Some of my feedback focused on the last line: “I would’ve not longed for her to meet.” When the tutor read this out loud, they read it as “I would not have longed for her to meet” instead. When I pointed it out, we discussed a few options, but the concept of making something tough to read makes the reader take it slow and use more cognitive processing. That might be frustrating in long paragraphs but in these short lines I think it actually helps the reader to be cautious of what they are reading.
