Rhapsody Behind the Cereal Factory

The most useful feedback I received during this process primarily concerned the rhythmic and musicality of words committed to the page. In poems of mine in the past, I have sometimes struggled to condense my writing into a more consolidated meter; whereas, in this piece there was more emphasis placed on that structurally, which was a valuable area for me to receive feedback on. Feedback was instrumental particularly in the way it helped me either clarify what is meant in the word choice I used regarding the imagery of the piece and forced me to justify the absolute necessity of each word, both in rhythm and content.

The summer day rises in undulating waves
Half past noon brings a fifteen-minute break
Undue lovers escape the side doors with hardly minutes
To spend what cannot be saved

The chain links unravel from side to side
Two cigarettes furloughed by two hands and spied by twice as many eyes
Her greens counter his which fall with the sky
Once so blue, but which the billows crowd and choke and paralyze
Like his nails once so clear now yellow is only spied
They are cracked with gold flakes which the spoon carries to die

Two lips lit aflame, with spirits that puff and puff without a hint of shame
The gravel crunches under feet
Drawn together to stamp out butts in the July heat
Drawn together to surreptitiously meet
While hanging above a sigh so faint
Emanates from her place where smiles rarely creak

A wind picks up and carries away
The undue lovers and their fifteen-minute daze
The day that remains they long to forget
Two slight lives living where history shan’t show his face

Connor Baney is a third-year student at DePaul University, studying Media and Cinema Studies. He devotes his creative energies to poetry, prose, and personal essays. He is deeply fond of the breadth of life that can be grasped in the great city of Chicago.