happier than ever
along with the nature.
my aquamarine eyes;
reflections of cloudless skies
and blossoms the sun multiplies…
if only they’d reflect that forever.
happier than ever.
these past three months
i didn’t need to be anything.
nineteen years alive, first time stargazing.
beach towels in the grass, rolling green.
navigating the moon’s reflection on the lake.
going on my first-ever,
second, third, and fourth dates.
and there were days where i did nothing,
i’d rest with my dogs, sing to the walls
no need to do something.
this type of peace i want forever.
must it only come
once in a blue moon summer?
happier than ever…
but did i get better?
have i surpassed the gray?
was summer just the eye of the hurricane?
will my hope fade and sway
with fall’s decay?
healing entails relapse,
but have i moved on
if i keep looking back?
my thoughts run
me into a marathon
‘til the sun coats me in its lacquer,
and then i pause—
maybe none of it matters.
i’m smiling today;
laughing every day,
isn’t that enough change?
can’t i learn to appreciate
that in moments like these
i’ve learned how to breathe?
how to wind me
back down to me:
in comes summer’s wind,
out goes fall and its ends.
i just breathe.
close my eyes and envision,
my winless dread on a ship
that floats away, riding the waves,
sailing with each breath in,
and out.
away from that ship is where i can reside.
where i’ll wave away
winter’s disdain
from engulfing my bay.
for i’ve found that contentment
doesn’t have to be boring or average,
nor a denial of your wants.
instead, it’s an appreciation,
a celebration of the moment,
gratitude for every part of it.
like when my head’s underwater
and my hair flows up.
in those seconds,
all i can do is float toward the sun;
sway with the current.
no longer running around over time,
instead,
wrapped up in life’s presence.
happier than ever,
this summer gifted the present.
preserving my radiance,
even when blue creeps my surface,
is how i’d describe life since june.
and i’m going to do all i can
to nurture that
each subsequent
season.
won’t fall into winter’s hibernation,
i’ll stay blossoming.
forever staying over anything
attempting to put me under.
you can catch me basking in
a forever summer.
Evan Mueller is a rising junior at DePaul University studying both Economics and Political Science. He’s used writing to encapsulate, enliven, and preserve feelings and moments of his life since the seventh grade. Mainly focused on poetry, more of his work can be found at @toeternallydaydream on Instagram.