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Issue 5 Poetry

Devil in the Mirror

The reviewer at the writing center said she would like to see another line in my poetry referencing a mythical beast. I decided not to insert a side story of what I only intended to be a singular comparison of a mythical, multifaceted being in dramatic contrast to the two sidedness of being disabled. I also want readers to understand it’s a passing thought of comparison and not a direct analogy.

There is I and there is devil in this being
One with grace, beauty, tenacity.
The other a monster that is complete in its decreeing 
This monster and its very audacity.

My oldest companion it is.
A complete likeness in the mirror.
This monster, my Janus it is. 
Power lies in its godlikeness.

I can be me.
Until this devil manifests.
And then all I can do is commit plea,
Until it divests.

Walking in the street,
Until this devil burns,
Until this devil takes my legs,
Until this devil does what it likes.

It is me, I am it.
Not a disfigurement is there,
Yet, “It is your flesh and blood, to your marrow.”
Trapped I am in this broken body fair.

Gamayun it is, 
Not even my mind is safe.
The devil takes sanity wake.
Trapped I am in this broken body fair.

A sweet girl, 
Slow or delicate,
Before this devil unfurled.
Slowly and strangling in its inlet.

It will be with me all my life,
Until there is sweet,
Until my stone is set,
Until this devil is dead in its flesh.

There is I and there is devil in this being,
I am encased in this rotten flesh,
This monster takes all of my wellbeing,
I am made of this devil, wretchedly enmeshed.

Roxanne Monaghan is a third year student at DePaul University, majoring in history and anthropology with a minor in American studies. She won an award for poetry from the Illinois Association of Teachers of English in 2020, and continues to write poetry in her spare time.