I think the feedback that was helpful to me was “this line feels a bit clunky!” or something similar to “maybe try moving this word here?” I really appreciate the line to line breakdown, as it felt more constructive and nudged me in a direction rather than simply commenting on the “feel” or emotion of the piece! I loved getting to play with syntax and word choices thanks to the feedback!
The poem had a beginning that focused on the action but had a weird switch to second person at the end, but luckily my tutor had a really nice suggestion to add a section at the beginning that references said second person; it felt more cohesive and less abrupt making that switch to “but then you look up.” The specificity of her [the tutor’s] ideas and questions for “oh, could you find a word for this” really helped me focus in on the lines in the piece that I felt could be altered to strengthen the central message rather than take away from it. Going forward, I think taking into consideration the impact spacing can have is something useful.
Feedback I received revolved around syntax and word choices—adjusting words and phrases that could help move the piece in a way that felt more natural. I struggled with finding a way to end the piece in a cohesive yet impactful way, but I got some really helpful feedback that suggested I circle back to the main idea and mention this “powdered sugar face.” Changing the words to “well-lived” and “well-loved” made the piece flow in a way that ends in a great place. This feedback really made such a difference in my own perceptions of the piece, and I’m extremely grateful the collaborative efforts really got to give this poem a life of its own!