Category: Poetry

I received feedback on clarifying the poem’s meaning, specifically the interpretation of the speaker’s thoughts. The poem focuses on a speaker observing a rainy day; my original draft focused heavily on the imagery of the poem, but was more “show” than “tell” as the speaker described the changing of the clouds from soft, lamb-like forms to lion-esque creatures. The writing center tutor recognized this idea, but was not sure if the speaker was in awe or fear. After looking at the poem again, I agreed with this feedback.

Since this poem was my first attempt at an abecedarian, I asked my peers at Writers Guild for their assessment of image and cadence–did the content of the poem clash with its form? Since each line had to start with the subsequent letter of the alphabet, I was worried that certain word choices and line breaks, if read aloud, would sound unnatural. With Guild as a sounding board, however, each image flowed so well together that folks didn’t notice the form at all!

I think the feedback that was helpful to me was “this line feels a bit clunky!” or something similar to “maybe try moving this word here?” I really appreciate the line to line breakdown, as it felt more constructive and nudged me in a direction rather than simply commenting on the “feel” or emotion of the piece! I loved getting to play with syntax and word choices thanks to the feedback!

One specific suggestion I was given was to perhaps add roman numerals since my poem was split into two. I really liked the idea of more explicitly splitting the poem, for although it is one poem, it was written about two very different moments. I think this idea is captured and more obviously showcased when the poem is numbered and split.

The things I needed to change had a lot to do with how the piece reads out loud vs. on the page. I had to slow down some parts in structural ways, since I wouldn’t be able to control the speed of the reader. This meant adding more single sentence breaks in between longer paragraphs, a suggestion that I really appreciated and ended up enhancing the piece a lot.

I was given the advice to include more concrete imagery or metaphors early in my poem, so as to help ground it more. The ending is strong, but the beginning can seem abstract. One suggestion was to include a chant or slogan from the George Floyd protests, which is what inspired my poem. I decided to make one of the chants my title, which also serves as a sort of foreword too.

I made a Writing Center appointment and I received great feedback on ways to heighten the imagery of the piece. For instance, the line about “steel towers” was the suggestion of a peer tutor, which helped me in other areas of the poem to find exciting and creative ways to describe everyday objects.

Several writing tutors told me what they liked about the piece, including the physical movement of it, and the personification of Western. I used this feedback to lean into those elements and fully realize them as the core of the piece.

Some of my feedback focused on the last line: “I would’ve not longed for her to meet.” When the tutor read this out loud, they read it as “I would not have longed for her to meet” instead. When I pointed it out, we discussed a few options, but the concept of making something tough to read makes the reader take it slow and use more cognitive processing. That might be frustrating in long paragraphs but in these short lines I think it actually helps the reader to be cautious of what they are reading.

There were several small spelling mistakes that had gone unnoticed to me, but they were very clear to another person. Coming back to it through another person’s eyes allowed me to revise and ensure that someone else would not misconstrue the poem due to small errors. I went back and made a few edits to ensure it came out in a more satisfying manner.