Category: Poetry

I received feedback that the clarity of the piece fell off when I started to introduce new “characters.” The language surprised me because in the piece I talk about my Dad and my Grandma, but it’s true, to the reader they are characters. I realized I needed to expand on the “where” and “who” in the second half of the piece to make the images and experience more clear. I added a line about “unfamiliar rooms” and tied in “corners” to the musical event to give a stronger sense of space. The new capitalization of “We” signifies the royal, familial “We,” as we hold cautious hope for the future of our family, even though it looks different than we expected.

The most helpful piece of feedback for this particular piece was [the comment] that each stanza evoked images. This piece was inspired by an image I had of my mother when I was an infant. I wanted to shape a picture with as few words as I could. The tone from the beginning is somber, melancholic. “Broken Whistle” [and]”Empty Vessel” were phrases [that] sprung to mind when I imagined someone who is emotionally shattered. I felt that deep unspoken sadness a mother carries and decided to reflect on that. I personally liked the last stanza; I thought it captured what I wanted to express in the poem about a woman looking back on her life choices and regrets.

The feedback was mostly helpful in showing me how I needed to separate certain sections of my work so it all flowed a little smoother. That and how certain vocabulary was either too rigged or too snooty for talking about nature. The feedback that was most helpful and most transferable was considering the type of language that’s used throughout a piece of writing and making sure the grammar is fluid. What seems important for now is ensuring a consistent and smooth language style is employed throughout a piece and all grammar stays in check.

The most useful feedback I got was about [the] lines: “I want to make this movie and be the damn director, / I’ll be the costume designer too.” [The feedback] made me focus on how the rhythm of the poem impacts how I will be able to deliver it. I realized that I didn’t want to change anything about the piece as I had edited it several times alone too. This feedback made me feel confident in my word choices, my line breaks, and the overall flow of my poem. This is a real struggle for me, so I really appreciated this feedback and it allowed me to be really happy with the piece as it is now.

I thought Olivia’s [Writing Center tutor] suggestion to elaborate on what a “confident creature” meant was genius. I implemented a few more lines and specificity to really hone in on the feeling of being a confident creature and what that would look like. I gave every bit its own line, which I think improved the clarity a ton. I wanted to use the word “creature” because it adds an element of mystery and discovery to this new version of myself. “Creature” speaks to the in-humanness I feel toward that distant part of myself; it is a protection from becoming too vulnerable and places an emphasis on the alien-ness of feeling confident.

Brady [Writing Center tutor] assisted me specifically with the line length and flow of this poem. I noted that near the end of the poem, the lines stretch out and were aesthetically unpleasing and did not aid in the function of the piece. Brady helped me tighten up verses, and mostly near the end of the poem, I was assisted in adding in some extra line breaks. The feedback that Brady gave me that was most helpful was advice on where to add line breaks. The poem was much less polished than it appears here; this is owed to line breaks in the somewhat free verse form of the piece.

For this piece, I wanted to make sure the imagery was cohesive and made sense. Olivia [Writing Center tutor] gave positive feedback for this piece, which improved my confidence in my writing. I think it is always helpful to get a healthy mix of positive and constructive feedback on what is working and what isn’t for each piece. Olivia suggested I shift my language in the third stanza to convey better what I meant by “profile.” Originally, I included the word “silhouette,” but I think the revision helped clarify my meaning to ensure a smooth line. By removing the word “silhouette,” the line became more distinct.

I received feedback about the clarity and content of my poem. [Writing Center tutor] suggested altering the eight line of the poem to make it clearer I was referring to the “alcoves of my heart,” which I did by calling it a “hollow nook.” In the final stanza, I originally had a line reading, “i cannot keep my contempt for the trees, fog and rain any longer.” My [tutor] wrote how the first stanza does not seem contemptuous. Her suggestions were to add more negative adjective to the first stanza, or rework that line. I reworked it into “is this a tranquil delusion, or is it hope? / i cannot keep asking the asking the trees, fog, and rain.”

For structure, the comment was on variation in the length of the stanzas— from one line to two to three—to give engaging texture to the poem. Considering this, I changed the structure to make it look more mirrored. By which I mean the layout of the stanzas below earlier was 2,3,1,2,2,3,2,2 whereas they were rearranged to 2,3,2,1,2,3,2. This format helped emphasize an important idea in the middle, and even at the end. This kind of structuring was new to me and going forward it will help me with the flow of the poem.

The most useful feedback I received during this process primarily concerned the rhythmic and musicality of words committed to the page. In poems of mine in the past, I have sometimes struggled to condense my writing into a more consolidated meter; whereas, in this piece there was more emphasis placed on that structurally, which was a valuable area for me to receive feedback on. Feedback was instrumental particularly in the way it helped me either clarify what is meant in the word choice I used regarding the imagery of the piece and forced me to justify the absolute necessity of each word, both in rhythm and content.