Improving the Sky

For this piece, I wanted to make sure the imagery was cohesive and made sense. Olivia [Writing Center tutor] gave positive feedback for this piece, which improved my confidence in my writing. I think it is always helpful to get a healthy mix of positive and constructive feedback on what is working and what isn’t for each piece. Olivia suggested I shift my language in the third stanza to convey better what I meant by “profile.” Originally, I included the word “silhouette,” but I think the revision helped clarify my meaning to ensure a smooth line. By removing the word “silhouette,” the line became more distinct.

If I made the sky,
I would put your freckles in the stars.
I would take the silver hoop in your ear
And wrap it around the moon.

If I made the sky,
Sunrise would look as bright as your laugh
And sunset would feel as soft as your lips.
I would make your body into a cloud,
So everyone would see a masterpiece when they look up.

If I made the sky,
I would paint your profile as a mountain range
And lay it across the landscape
So there is always beauty on the horizon.

If I made the sky,
Your arms would be gentle storm clouds.
Your sighs are thunder,
And your smooth shoulders the summer afternoon.

If I made the sky,
I would turn your golden eyes into the sun,
And your eyelashes are the rays
That feed the crops of my adoration.

Izzy King is finishing their Junior year at DePaul this spring, majoring as a BFA Actor at The Theatre School and minoring in Applied Psychology. She is new to writing poetry; this is her first time submitting work to a literary magazine! They love Shakespeare, coffee, and new plays.