I was provided feedback on the transitions, specifically on providing a more sensory detail between time changes that connect the two. I focused more closely on the sound of the gravel road by the house. I appreciated the discussion around the transitions, as that was likely the most jarring part of the story.
I received considerable feedback for this piece, all of which I am extremely grateful for. Some classmates requested a scene between the two sisters, and so I added one to the beginning of the piece, which more effectively shows the relationship between Ana and Korē, and foreshadows the events that follow. More feedback from a classmate at the Writing Center helped me streamline the dialogue and cut back on tags I didn’t need–as I have a habit of over-indulging. Developmental and editing feedback from the DePaul community was crucial in elevating this story.
In the previous drafts there was the issues regarding narrative clarity, as well as some characters not being fleshed out well enough, or others not having enough appearances. This affected the rewriting process in which I focused on addressing these specific issues.
I brought a first draft of this piece into Writers Guild the night after I wrote it, expecting it to need a lot of adjustment…and it did! Just not the type I had expected. My biggest issue to fix was filling in the information gaps on the page that I was filling in in my own head. There were a number of different things that my fellow Guild members wanted elaboration on, like the 13-month shuttle journey, Kali’s missing arm, and the social differences between Kali and Dawn. This led to a pretty sizable expansion of the piece, which was looked at by the wonderful Amber C. one more time before submitting, and now it’s in a place that I’m pretty proud of and that makes me excited to write even more about these two!
This feedback is mostly positive and reader-centered. It shows that the piece is engaging, enjoyable, and vivid, with strong characters and memorable scenes. The only suggestion was about the use of line breaks. I revised the formatting and removed the extra line breaks to make the piece read more smoothly.
“I used feedback to sharpen the opening and clarify the setting. The story became clearer, more emotional, and complete.”
“I received helpful feedback from the Writing Center. I revised for style consistency, clarity, and less word repetition.”
Feedback taught me to balance poetic tone with clarity and craft sharper endings for a stronger thematic conclusion.
The feedback helped me imagine different endings, and how the subtlety of one line can drastically change what the reader takes away from the experience.
From both Writers Guild and my appointment with a peer tutor, I received overwhelmingly positive feedback on this piece, and it has remained relatively untouched from its first draft. Initially, I wrote this piece in the middle of one of my lectures and wanted to experiment with a total stream of consciousness style. Catching the spelling errors was the most helpful, as well as the general support and positive feedback for this piece.