Category: Issue 7

I received considerable feedback for this piece, all of which I am extremely grateful for. Some classmates requested a scene between the two sisters, and so I added one to the beginning of the piece, which more effectively shows the relationship between Ana and Korē, and foreshadows the events that follow. More feedback from a classmate at the Writing Center helped me streamline the dialogue and cut back on tags I didn’t need–as I have a habit of over-indulging. Developmental and editing feedback from the DePaul community was crucial in elevating this story.

In the previous drafts there was the issues regarding narrative clarity, as well as some characters not being fleshed out well enough, or others not having enough appearances. This affected the rewriting process in which I focused on addressing these specific issues.

I brought a first draft of this piece into Writers Guild the night after I wrote it, expecting it to need a lot of adjustment…and it did! Just not the type I had expected. My biggest issue to fix was filling in the information gaps on the page that I was filling in in my own head. There were a number of different things that my fellow Guild members wanted elaboration on, like the 13-month shuttle journey, Kali’s missing arm, and the social differences between Kali and Dawn. This led to a pretty sizable expansion of the piece, which was looked at by the wonderful Amber C. one more time before submitting, and now it’s in a place that I’m pretty proud of and that makes me excited to write even more about these two!

This feedback is mostly positive and reader-centered. It shows that the piece is engaging, enjoyable, and vivid, with strong characters and memorable scenes. The only suggestion was about the use of line breaks. I revised the formatting and removed the extra line breaks to make the piece read more smoothly.