The feedback I received on this piece was primarily regarding word choices, flow, grammar, and clarity from a reader’s perspective.
Category: Issue 7
Categories
Event Horizon
Most of the feedback I received was about clarity and word choice, which makes sense, as the issue I struggle with most in writing is my incessant need to overcomplicate very simple plot points, especially when it comes to creative nonfiction. Samantha D’s feedback helped me narrow down what I was actually trying to communicate with my metaphors, instead of just arbitrarily describing things esoterically because I liked how it sounded.
This piece started as a rant about how much I hate the interface of Letterboxd, but it slowly evolved into a piece about how few movies I’ve seen. Writers Guild saw so many drafts of this piece. The feedback from the group helped me narrow down the focus and play up its strengths, and the live reactions helped me gauge which parts were funniest and which needed tailoring.
I really enjoy getting feedback that’s direct and targeted, while still being supportive. Bella Z. suggested I tweak a few of my word choices to soften the tone. Bella Z. also suggested I lean more on the dialogical aspects of the poem (indicated by italicized lines). There were a few spots where I decided that would be beneficial and give more voice to my grandpa.
During my appointment, we chatted bout a draft of this poem that I had in a more raw and unrevised version. I knew I wanted more structure and intentionality to my use of space. I think the use of shape in my poems was the most impactful– I felt that it gave my piece a new life of sorts! It created a new overall feeling and readability to the work that i feel resonates with my message more!
The honestly was helpful and the questions about my intention. It was also nice to hear what was working. I corrected Franz Kafka’s name, considered lengthening a line, and rearranged and reduced the words in the second to the last stanza.
I was provided feedback on the transitions, specifically on providing a more sensory detail between time changes that connect the two. I focused more closely on the sound of the gravel road by the house. I appreciated the discussion around the transitions, as that was likely the most jarring part of the story.
I received feedback on the lyric and help on finishing the last verses of the poem, which help me to add a good end to the story.
My feedback gave me insight into how my language was interpreted, which allowed me to make unclear phrases more accessible. It also highlighted grammatical subversions that felt arbitrary and out of place. I think that, because my piece is poetry, the impression outweighs the explicit meaning.
The feedback I received for this piece helped me develop the tone that I had set earlier in the poem while still giving an ending that felt personally satisfying. I incorporated elements of the influences narrative structure both to add to the overall meaning of the piece but also to make the poem feel more lively.